I AM JIM
by mateapejic17
Summary: Her father died at the day of her birth, her mother left her, her brother left, she was sent to Tarsus where she experienced the worst trauma of her life and now she has to deal with crazy Romulans and both annoying and extremely attractive half-Vulcan first officer. What's girl gotta do to catch a break?
1. coming home

It was over. It was finally over. After escaping singularity and shared laugh between the crew, it was finally over. She turned her chair towards Spock. He was already looking at her and he nodded approvingly.

For the first time in forever, she felt satisfaction. Sure, she was happy when she beat Spock's infamous Kobayashi Marue, but this... This was different. Something new entirely.

The last time she felt this satisfied with herself was when she drew her father's antique car off that cliff when she was thirteen, back in Iowa. That asshole Frank,tried to sell it.

Jim wouldn't have any of that.

So she took the keys she found when she 'washed' the car and then she took the car for a spin. Few moments before the car went off a cliff, she considered going with it too. She wanted it to end. She wanted everything to end. But then it hit her.

She is James T. Kirk. She doesn't surrender. Destiny can kiss her in the ass. Fate be damned. She makes her own future. She writes her own destiny.

No. Jim doesn't give up.

She turned the wheel on the side, opened the door and then... she jumped.

It seemed she wasn't going to make it. But she held tight. It was her own stubbornness that wouldn't let her die. When the police got her to the door, she held her head high. Even after Frank beat her up, she still held her head high. She was satisfied.

She felt pride the day after that bar fight in Iowa. When she boarded that shuttle. The boys she beat up last night were looking at her with disgust.

She was pretty beat up too. She had bruises all over her face, stomach and ribs. But she didn't care. The boys were all beat up too. And she was the only one that fought them. There were six of them.

Of course, Uhura yelled at them to stop. But she definitely wasn't trying to help either. It actually started because of Uhura.

You see, Jim isn't a picky person. And she loved sex. You combine those two and you have a disaster called Jim. She tried to pick Uhura up. Uhura, of course, when she saw Jim's tall self with blond hair and boobs automatically thought that she was dumb. When Jim proved her wrong she just smiled and told her that she was impressed and that she thought she was "just a dumb hick that only had sex with farm animals", to which Jim, quite smartly (note the sarcasm), answered "not only".

And then a hell break loose.

After she provoked the guy, (that started first, thank you very much) that she called Cupcake, into hitting her, Jim fought back. Fuck it. He hit her. And now she's fighting back. At the end she ended up with bloody nose, thrown over a table with a bruised ribs, her head hanging off of the same table she was thrown over.

And then Pike came in. He stopped the fight. Since she was tipsy, bruised, beat up, and her ego wounded, the only thing she could say was "You can whistle really loud, you know that?"

The next thing she knew, she was riding her bike to where Pike told her that night. That sly fuck. He knew she would come. He dared her. He was sure she would come. And he was right because she was here.

"Four years? I'll do it in three."

And then she hit her head on the railing because she is so damn tall. And because she didn't look where she was going.

Uhura was there. And so were the boys she had a fight with last night. And then there was Bones. Oh boy. Where to start.

"I might throw up on you."

It was the first thing he said to her. He had a fear of flying. Hell, he probably still has it. But the moment she met him, she knew. She knew he would become her best friend. She just knew.

And then there she was three years later. Fucking with Gaila. Both figuratively and literally. Figuratively she fucked around with Gaila. They drunk together, talked shit behind people's back, (that was mostly Gaila. Jim was always open and she always told what she thought. No matter Good or bad.) And literally, well, no need to explain that.

And then there was Kobayashi Marue. And that damn hearing. And then Spock.

Spock was/is a professor. He teaches xenolinguistics.

Jim is smart. Very smart. Maybe even smarter that him. She has a brilliant brain and an eidetic memory. Still, she gets in trouble a little too often. Even with that big brain of hers.

Jim saw Spock for the first time on that hearing. He was handsome. Too handsome for his own good. His aura radiated with confidence. He looked skinny, but Jim knew that beneath that uniform lay nothing but pure hard muscle. He was Vulcan after all. Very smart obviously. He created the damn test. He had to be capable. When he rose up to his full height Jim couldn't help but to think what else he was capable of.

When he verbally swept the floor with her, she licked her full lips. She always did that when she was either nervous or turned on and at that point she was both. She was turned on because of the way he held himself in the hearing and the way he spoke. He had a very rich baritone voice, soft like velvet. And she was nervous because she thought that she has finally gone crazy. If the way he spoke turned her on despite the things he was saying... yup, she's definitely insane.

But then he brought her father into the argument. And she couldn't believe she just heard that. That was below the belt, even for a Vulcan. He attacked her. Now it's time for her to fight back.

And she did. And her father would be proud. She was sure of that.

And then there was Nero. And Pike was kidnapped. And Vulcan was destroyed. And Spock's mother was dead. And she was marooned. And there was that animal that looked like polar bear and gorilla mixed together. And that spider/something that tried to eat her.

And then there was Spock again. Just not her Spock this time. And the mind meld. So much. Too much. Emotions. Pain, heartbreak, anger, guilt... but beneath all of those negative emotions there was one that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was warm and save and it felt like home and then... it was gone. She stared at him with eyes that were filled with tears. "Emotional transference.' He told her.

And then Scotty. He and his friend were complaining. Apparently they were hungry because they had nothing but shakes or some shit like that there. When he found out that Spock, the old spock, was from future the first thing he asked him was "Do they still have sandwiches there?" Scotty was smart too. He discovered how to beam aboard the ship while they are in warp speed. The only reason he was there was because admiral Archer's prized beagle was lost during and experiment. Poor guy.

And then they were back on Enterprise. And Scotty was stuck in one of those water pipes. And she had to get him out. And then there were guards and she was back on the bridge.

And then there was a fight. And then pain. Spock was choking her. She was bent over a console and Spock was above her with his hand around her throat.

If this wasn't such a dire situation she would have commented on how she would love to see him hoovering above her while they were in her quarters and she lay in bed. She would love to see him doing some other things to her too. But unfortunately, this was a dire situation.

And then he stopped. And he was 'emotionally compromised', and she didn't muss a look Uhura gave him, and she was jealous damn it and why did she feel jealous. She didn't own him. No matter how much she wished she did, she didn't. And how exactly did she come from being attracted to him, to hating him, to being jealous because a beautiful girl looked at him the way she wanted to look at him? Just how exactly did she do that?

And then she was the capitan and they were discussing together how to bring Pike back and then Spock was back. And then there was transporter. And she was jealous again. And surprised. But mostly jealous. She was so jealous that she had to physically bite her tongue so she wouldn't say something inappropriate or stupid. She was prone to doing stupid things when she was drunk or someone took something that belongs to her. But Spock wasn't hers. So why?

When they finished their makeout session, Uhura turned to her and Jim just nodded. She had nothing to say. And it was awkward. So awkward. Until Scotty spoke.

And then they were on the Nerada. And they were shooting at the Romulans. And they found Spock's, old Spock, ship and she had to avoid his eyes like a plague, because she would be sure he would see right through her and her lies. Because Spock, old Spock, just had to tell her that the universe will go boom if Spock, her spock, (he is not hers, so why does she feel the need to use this possessive pronoun?) knew about him, so she had to keep that information for herself.

And then they parted ways. And there was Nero and he was choking her (not again. Before this she was kinda into that SM thing, but at that moment she found that pretty repulsive. That was enough choking for the rest of her life thank you very much) and then there was Pike and they were back on the Enterprise. And then there was a singularity that she mentioned before and...

And then Spock nodded. And she nodded right back.

Oh yes. She could get used to this.

AUTHOR'S WEBSITE

Hey you guys. So my second story. Yay.

Disclaimer: I don't own a shit. If I owned Star trek believe when I tell you that Jim would be a female and Spock wouldn't end up with Uhura. The next chapter will be soon. But I will probably update my other story before this. Also the cast stays the sam the only difference is that instead of Chris Pine as Jim you have a VS angel Candice Swanepoel. So anyway, I hope you enjoy this story and please comment, vote, write me a message because I want to know if I'm doing this right. Ok? Ok. Bye.


	2. an apology

She had to look away. She didn't want to, but she had no choice. If she kept starring at those pools of dark chocolate, people might start being suspicious. She averted her eyes.

Jim leaned back in her chair. It was comfortable. Very much so. Now she knows why Pike likes it so much. Speaking of which.

"Kirk to sickbay." She waited for a few seconds before a rough and raspy voice of their CMO came through.

"Yes Jim, what do you want? For your own good I hope you didn't cause more trouble on the bridge."

His voice sounded strained, like he didn't use it for a while. Despite the critique, she couldn't help but to smile. 'Oh Bones, you really are a softie on the inside aren't you?' She knew better than to say it out loud. Even if he is a big softie, she knew he wasn't particularly gentle with his hypos when provoked. Instead she decided to ask him what she originally planed.

"Bones, no I did not cause any more trouble, no need to worry about that. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Anyway, all jokes aside, tell me, how's Pike?"

He sighed dramatically and said. "He has broken ribs, respiratory problems and a spinal injury. He can feel everything from the waist down but he can't move almost anything. But few months of physical therapy and he should be as good as new. Don't worry kid. He'll be fine."

Jim breathed out a sigh of relief and relaxed further in her chair.

"Alright, thanks Bones."

She ended the communication and took a deep breath. Or as deep as her bruised ribs allowed her to. She winced. She probably should have gone to the sickbay so that Bones could fix her, but she figured he already has a lot on his hands.

She could have gotten that injury when spock was fighting with her, or when Nero fought with her. Or when she fell off of the platform on Narada. That was one painful fall.

In effort not to think about her injuries she then contacted engineering bay.

"Scotty, how's it going downstairs?"

His accented voice was like a music to her ears. Actually everything but sounds of punching someone and breaking something, or someone, was like a music to her ears.

"Ay Capitan, everything is fine down here."

Then there was a shout "You, you get down from there, you hear me! These things are not made for you to sit on them! Get down, now!"

And then he continued "Sorry Capitan, is there something else you need?"

Jim chuckled "Yes, as the matter of fact I do. How long will it take for us to limp back to Earth since we ejected the core?"

"I'd say about two hours max."

"Alright, thank you Scotty. Kirk out."

She threw her head back, spread out her legs as far as they could reach (which is far, trust me) and let out an explosive sigh. And then she winced again. As it turns out it hurts as much as when you inhale and exhale. Damn ribs.

"Capitan, are you alright?"

It was Spock that voiced his concern even tho majority of the bridge crew was looking at her.

She looked at him, a bit startled, and the answered as calm as she could.

"Yes, I'm quite alright Mr Spock, don't worry."

She could guess she wasn't overly successful with keeping her face straight because he lifted both of his eyebrows that clearly said 'You are not being truthful and I know it.' It seemed as tho he would press on but the pleading look she sent him caused him to change his mind and instead of lesson about how 'Vulcans do not express worry' that was surely about to come, he just nodded and turned back towards his science console.

She was grateful for that, but she also didn't miss a look Uhura gave her. It was a look that clearly stated 'I know you like him but stay away from him because I will fuck you up if you even try.'

Ok, Uhura probably wouldn't have said it that way, but this is Jim we're talking about. And Jim being Jim (that is, a bitch she is) looked the lieutenant straight in the eyes and smiled her million dollar smile. A smile that has been know to sweep the men off their feet.

At that gesture, Uhura turned bright red (possibly from rage) and turned her head in the opposite direction.

Most of the crew also did that but Chekov kept his eyes on her legs a bit longer. As he was turning his chair around jim heard him whisper "Interesno, naskol'ko vysok?"

Russian.

He wondered how tall she is. Well, the least she could do is provide that information for him.

"I'm 5'10" Pavel."

She answered. Pavel and the rest of the bridge gang turned to stare at her. Pavel was shocked. He was closing and opening his mouth like a fish on dry land but no sounds came out. Jim had to smile at that. He was so adorable. Pavel, still in awe asked

"You speak Russian Keptin?"

She beamed at him and nodded while the rest of the crew was still trying to comprehend the fact that their Capitan, more importantly a young, blonde girl (no offense to any other blonds out there) could speak an European language with very complex grammar.

"Yes, I speak Russian. I also speak several other languages such as Croatian, Italian, German, French, Turkish, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, Portuguese etc. I am also fluent in Romulan, Klingon, and..." she turned her chair towards Spock, "and Vulcan."

They all stared at her with shock written across their faces. Well, everyone besides Spock even tho she could see he was surprised too. He wasn't displaying his shock so openly but his eyes were wider and his eyebrows were resting somewhere behind his bangs. At the sight of him Jim wanted to burst out laughing. But she kept herself together for his and hers sake.

She slowly turned her chair back to face her pilot and navigator.

"You are very tall Keptin."

"Yup! My father was tall and he had long legs. At least that's what my mother told me. My legs, height, hair and eyes are his part of my genetic makeup."

She stopped there and appeared lost for a moment. Her eyes became distant and sad. The rest of the bridge crew looked down. They felt like they were spying on a private moment. In a way they were. But Jim didn't care. They were her family now. That shook her out of her trance. She inhaled and then laughed.

"Guys, what's with the sad faces. Come on. Lighten up. We're almost home."

The atmosphere appeared so much lighter now.

"Oh! Pavel, one more thing. There was no need for me to know Russian to know what you were thinking. Your body language told me everything."

She smirked at the poor and flustered navigator.

"H-how?" He stuttered. Jim's smirk widened and her eyes narrowed. She put her elbows on her knees and put her face on her hands. By doing this her looks suddenly changed from calm, cool and collected Capitan, to dangerous, seductive, sexy feline like girl and the bridge crew all sat a little straighter in their seats. She stood up gracefully and made her way to the young navigator. Her shoulders were straight and tense, her legs moved like she was floating and her face still held that seductive expression. Pavel was visibly shaking while the others were extremely tense, not knowing what their Capitan will do next.

When she got to his chair she trapped him by putting both of her hands on either side of his chair and then bent over so she could whisper in his ear.

"I saw you ogling." Her voice was very deep and husky and for a moment everyone thought that Chekov might have a heart attack then and there. But Jim suddenly straightened up and ruffled his hair.

"Oh relax Chekov. I'm just teasing you."

Everyone breathed out the sigh of relief at that and even Spock relaxed a bit in his chair. She turned on her heel and then said

"Mr Spock."

When she saw she had his attention she continued

"Can you come with me for a minute. There is something I've been wanting to discuss with you."

He lifted his right eyebrow but stood never the less. Over her shoulder she tossed "Sulu, you have the con." They entered the turbolift and as soon as the doors closed she stopped the lift. From the corner of her eye she could see him looking at her and for a moment she wondered if this was a good idea. She didn't want another incident to happen, especially when she's alone with him. But she wasn't about to give up now. She set her shoulders and turned towards him.

Their eyes met. Unlike the other times, his eyes were warn now and if she looked closely she could read the emotions that were swirling in them. She shook her head and then spoke.

"I am sorry." Her voice was laced with regret, but at the same time was spoken clearly and strongly.

He nodded. He knew why she was apologizing.

"Apology accepted."

She smiled and jokingly said "I guess we're even now."

He turned his head so he could look at her. She was shorter than him. Four inches to be exact. She was obviously brilliant and (what he will later deny and blame on that exact moment of weakens) very aesthetically pleasing in mind, spirit and body. From the first moment he saw her, really saw her in her uniform dress that hugged every part of her in the right places, he could not help but to think that she is indeed very beautiful.

The part of her anatomy that intrigued him the most was (and still is) her eyes. Or rather the color of her irises. On Vulcan there are no such things as recessive genes. Only dominant. Which ultimately means that there are no blue eyed Vulcans. He saw that a lot of people on Earth have light colored eyes, but never such as hers. He was fascinated.

And now he was starring at those eyes. And they were starring right back at him.

Her eyes danced with mischief as she asked him the next question.

"So, what do you say? We call it a truce?"

He almost smiled and winced at the look her eyes were giving him. She played with him. He was sure of that. She was testing him to see if she can trust him. He frowned. Such display of emotions was shameful for a Vulcan. Her smile widened. He was certain that she could see his every emotion in his eyes. That was an often problem for him. He may have a perfect poker face but anyone who has a sharp mind (especially Jim), or those that have known him for a longer period of time could always tell his emotions.

Her smile was so radiant and contagious that even he was tempted to smile at her antics. He threw that idea through the window and decided that an extra hour of meditation in the morning should solve the problem. Instead he opted for the simplest solution.

"I accept."

Despite being physically impossible, her smile widened even more for a few seconds, before it turned into a grimace and a frown appeared between her perfectly shaped blond eyebrows.

"So what happens next. Will you stay with us?" Will you stay with me? "Or are you thinking about joining the remaining Vulcans..."

Her voice sounded so small even to her own ears. So alien.

"The most logical decision would be for to join the remaining Vulcans."

He saw her swallow and the tense of her shoulders so as if to reassure her he continued.

"But I will admit that I do not have a decision yet."

In the corner of his eye he saw her relaxing. The frown in her brows was still evident, but not as before and her shoulders were more relaxed rather than tense. But she would not meet his eye. She was hiding something. He was sure of that.

She reached out to touch the button to start the lift again and he let her. The lift beeped and they were moving again. A few moments later the door opened and they both stepped out. Spock returned to his station and she sat in the chair in the centre. The crew turned to look at her when she sat down. She just smiled and said

"Sulu, take us home."


	3. so close, yet so far

When the finally limped back to earth three and a half hours later (Scotty obviously miscalculated something) the first thing that went through Jim's mind was a hot shower with actual water (not those sonic shits they have on board) and a bed. She was so exhausted, both mentally and physically, she wanted nothing more than to collapse into a warm bed and sleep for three days.

But first she needs to face one more challenge.

Reporters aka the blood suckers.

And admiral Archer.

When the Enterprise docked, everyone left the ship, starting from the lowest ranking officers, going up to the top. Which means that Scotty, bridge crew, Spock and her will be one of the last people on board. Bones was the exception, because he, as Pike's physician, had to leave for obvious reasons.

As they were getting ready to leave the Enterprise, Jim got a call from admiral Archer. She and her first officer were to report to him right away for a report. She was also notified that the rest of senior officers were to report tomorrow morning because of the same reasons. Jim swallowed her response, the one that Starfleet admiral definitely wouldn't like and nodded to the rest of the gang to go on with their business.

When the last person exited (the last person being Uhura, and she didn't leave before she planted a passionate kiss on Spock's lips -a kiss that definitely did not set Jim's blood on fire, not at all- and gave Jim a warning look, to which Jim again responded with a beaming smile, just to provoke her) Jim turned towards Spock (that looked kinda uncomfortable, thank you very much) and asked,

"Well, shall we, Mr Spock?" To which he responded, "I believe we shall, Capitan."

A walk from the hangar to the Starfleet headquarters was relatively short, that is, in normal circumstances.

They were the last two people to exit the ship and as soon as they set their feet on the ground, they were swallowed in the sea of reporters.

The reporters flashed their cameras in their faces and were asking some very cringe worthy questions. They tried to get through, but they were too many of them. Few of them were shouting questions that were directed at Spock and were associated with his home planet. Spock was successfully ignoring the bastards, but Jim didn't have that kind of control and when one particular journalists asked him a question about his mother, Jim couldn't stand it anymore and she snapped like a rubber band.

She all but yelled angrily, "Alright, listen up here, you worthless piece of shit! What kind of monsters are you?! The guy just lost his home, and you are asking him this type of deranged questions! Save yourself some dignity, if you have any left that is, and ever so kindly fuck off !"

She was breathing hard but she was also ready to punch the next person that asked them any kind of questions. And also Where the hell is security?

Just as that question popped on her mind, she saw a bunch of security officers rushing towards them. Thank god.

Jim didn't think what she was doing and in the heat of a moment, she grabbed Spock's sleeve covered arm and started pushing the reporters aside. She could clearly hear the sounds of photos being taken, but she didn't care at that point. All she wanted was to get this briefing over with and to have a nice shower.

Jim still didn't realize that she was clutching Spock arm, that is, she wasn't aware of it until they made it to the building and Spock awkwardly cleared his throat. She stopped in her tracks and turned towards her first officer.

"You ok there Spock?"

She still wasn't aware of her grip, that has become stronger since they stopped walking.

"I am well, but I request that you release my arm from your grip, Capitan."

If Jim was less tired she would have blushed. But right now she had no strength to do so and reluctantly, she released his arm. She then turned on her heel and marched into the building, Spock right on her tail.

Admiral Archer waited for them in the hallway. He didn't utter a word when he saw a tall blonde girl and a stoic half Vulcan officer approaching, and just made a movement that indicated that they should follow him. They did so without any complains. Archer found an empty briefing room and rushed them inside, then closed the door.

"I realize you are both tired and exhausted, but the Starfleet needs these reports as soon as possible and if you cooperate this will be over sooner. "

They both nodded, even though the last part was obviously aimed in Jim's direction.

"Shall we then? Because I really wanna go to bed."

Archer glared at her for a moment but nodded never the less. He pushed a button for recording on his pad and began asking questions.

"Miss Kirk, how did you get on board in the first place?"

"Dr McCoy gave me symptoms of viral infection, because in his opinion he could not stand to see me looking like, and I quote 'a sick and wounded puppy that was left in the rain to die'. Ten he told me I would start losing vision in my left eye and that I will get a splitting headache. He also told me, and I quote again "You owe me one." We then boarded the shuttle with a bit of a resistance from an officer that was checking everyone who were supposed to be there, are on board."

"And how did miss Kirk gotten involved in the drama on the bridge and how did she know that Vulcan was under attack Mr Spock?"

"Miss Kirk based her assumptions on the fact that the anomaly that occurred then and on the night she was born, when a Romulan ship attacked the USS Kelvin. Also, lieutenant Uhura confirmed the accuracy of Kirk's statement when she told she came upon the message that was sent from Klingon prison that stated that 47 warbirds were destroyed and a Romulan ship was taken."

"What happened next, miss Kirk?"

"When we fell out of warp the only thing we could see were remains of the ships that came there before us."

"And why did they arrive there before you Mr Spock?"

"We had problems with disengaging the external inertial dampener."

Archer looked completely lost at that point. Serves him right, the bastard. Jim almost laughed out loud but she was able to mutter an explanation.

"A parking brake."

"You may continue, miss Kirk." He almost spat her name but Jim was able to bite her tongue and continued peacefully.

"There, Nero was waiting for us. He blamed Spock because his planet was swallowed by a black hole." At his questionable look she added, "He was from the future. He got here in out universe because he was sucked into a black hole and he traveled through space and time. Which would also explain why his ship had a technology we were not familiar with. He requested for Capitan Pike to beam aboard his ship to which he agreed. He set Spock as an acting Capitan and he promoted me to a first officer."

"Why did he take Pike hostage if he wanted you all along?" This one was directed at Spock.

"As a Starfleet Capitan he knows Earth defence codes. Earth defence codes were necessary to him as he also planed to destroy Earth."

"Why?"

"Because Spock is also half human, admiral. Nero's goal was to make Spock suffer. He did that by destroying his home planet, but apparently that wasn't enough for him."

"You see Kirk, the thing that I don't understand is what does Spock have to do with all this mess? Especially if Nero was from the future."

At that question Jim became stiff as a board. Spock turned to look at her too. She avoided his eyes and instead focused of admiral Archer and said in the most convincing tone she could muster,

"I don't know."

Archer narrowed his eyes but Jim just glared harder. It worked.

"Please, continue."

"Nero was drilling a hole to the Vulcan's core so that they could create singularity that will swallow the planet. Mr Sulu, engineer Olsen and I were sent to the drill to disengage it because it was jamming out communication sensors. We were able to do so, but unfortunately we were to late. They already dug deep enough to launch the red matter."

"The red matter?"

"A black hole device."

"Carry on."

"As I was saying, they launched the red matter and we were beamed back on board. Spock was in the transporter room. He was getting ready to beam down so that he could rescue the elders... He was able to rescue six of them."

Jim swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. Luckily Archer didn't ask any additional information on that matter. She looked at Spock. His head was down and he was starring at his hands that were clapped rightly in his lap. Without thinking, she reached out with her hand and squeezed his knee for some kind of support. He winced at that gesture, but didn't step away from it. In the corner of her eye she could see Archer rising an eyebrow at the intimate gesture, but she didn't care at that point. Archer cleared his throat and Jim slowly removed her hand from Spock's knee.

"What happened after that Mr Spock?"

"Miss Kirk insisted that we catch up with the Romulan ship while I insisted to contact Starfleet. We had an argument and miss Kirk became violent, therefore she had to be removed."

"You sent her to the brig, right?"

"As much as I am ashamed to admit, I have submitted to my Illogical wishes and instead of putting miss Kirk into the brig, I marooned her for mutiny and left her on the nearby planet."

"What happened on the planet, Kirk?"

"I woke up in a pod, ignored the warnings from a computer, decided to explore a bit, I was almost eaten by two types of creatures that lived there, I was able to get away, found a cave, settled there for a while and then I made my way to the nearest Starfleet base. There I met Scotty. I am sure you know who I am talking about, am I right admiral?"

Archer looked almost ready to exit the room and go in search of Scotty.

"How did you end up back on the Enterprise?"

"Trans warp beaming technology."

"And how did you end up being the Capitan?"

"I um..." She took a deep breath and then responded, "I provoked Spock into being emotionally compromised. What I am trying to say is that I insulted him to the point where he snapped like a rubber band and the promptly beat the shit out of me. And before you ask, no I don't blame him, it was my fault anyway. I deserved it. And no, I don't regret doing that either. The only thing that will say on that matter is that it was the best and the worst mistake of my life. The best because is was able to save billions and the worst because I took quite the beating from both Spock and Nero."

Archer looked shocked for a moment there, but he quickly recovered and then turned towards Spock.

"Do you agree with this statement, Mr Spock?"

Spock looked down again, only this time he looked down in shame.

"I agree."

"What happened next?"

"I took control over the ship, called a meeting that consisted of all bridge crew and we made a plan how to beam aboard the Narada to free Capitan Pike. Spock soon joined us. He and I beamed aboard the Narada while the Enterprise stayed hidden behind one of the Saturn's moon -the Titan. We parted ways -Spock took the ship that held the red matter and went to disable the drill. I on the other hand went to find Pike. But before I was able to do that Nero found me and I took a beating for the second time that day. Luckily, I was able to get free from his grip when Spock disabled the drill. I found Pike, Spock's ship with the red matter collided with the Narada and then all three of us were back on the ship. The collision destroyed the tank that held the red matter and drops of it flew all over the place until they combined and exploded in one giant black hole. We offered help to the crew of Narada but they refused and then we decided help them with their trip into the oblivion. The singularity caught us in it's magnetic field, but then Scotty suggested that we eject the core and detonate. The blast of it threw us away and... that's about it."

"Commander?"

"I confirm miss Kirk's statement."

Archer nodded and then asked one final question that had Spock blushing. Jim simply held a blank face.

"Mr Spock, are you and Miss Kirk in a romantic relationship?"

"No." It was Spock's automatic response.

"Mr Spock and I are not involved romantically admiral. I believe Mr Spock is currently involved with lieutenant Uhura."

Archer nodded and turned off the recording system.

"You are dismissed. And I expect from the rest of the senior officers to report tomorrow morning because of the report too. "

They both rose at the same moment, saluted the admiral and then they turned to get out. Spock being the gentleman, opened the door for Jim and let her out first.

As soon as they were out on the street, another thought hit her. She can't go back to her student quarters. She had a roommate. Her name was Julia, but now she's dead. She couldn't go there. The thought itself is disturbing enough.

She looked at Spock. His eyes were already on her.

"I really am sorry."

"You did what you saw fit Jim. Do not blame yourself for the destruction of my planet."

"I know. Still sorry tho."

Before she could change her mind she asked him,

"Hey, I know I may be intruding, but I really can't go back to my room tonight. I had a roommate, but..."

Before she could explain further, Spock interrupted her.

"You may use my quarters for as long as you need."

"But, where will you sleep?"

"If you feel comfortable, I would not be opposed to simply meditating tonight."

Jim's heart clenched at that. He was trying to please her. He didn't care that he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.

"Thank you."

Jim meant it. She truly did. But she also felt like an asshole.

They made their way to his quarters.

He put in a pass code and opened the door for her. She entered first and set the lights on thirty percent. The light illuminated the room and she realized how much better professor's quarters were than student's. Spock's quarters were minimalistic but still more sophisticated than hers. The only thing that was out of the ordinary was a framed photo on the table. She stepped further into the room and made a beeline to the table so she could examine the photo.

There was Spock's father, (she knew that because he saved her from being killed by his son's hand) there was Spock, and there was a woman she could only assume it was his mother. She had a brown hair and brown eyes. Spock has those exact same eyes.

She was lost in her thoughts so she didn't notice when Spock came up behind her. She tried to take a step back but she collided with something that had hardness of a brick wall. She almost fell to the floor from the surprise but two strong arms supported her. It was just then that she noticed that he was standing behind her. And that his arms were supporting her. And that she liked the feeling.

Spock was having similar thoughts too. He came closer so that he could also examine the photo of his late mother. But then she took a step back and her back collided with his chest. She almost fell to the floor but his hands warped around her mid section on instinct.

He didn't know why he did that. The only thing that he was sure about was this weird tingling sensation that went through him when he touched her. And he also knew that he liked that. A lot.

Jim turned her head towards him and was about to thank him, but all words were forgotten and her mouth went dry at the sight of him. His hands were now on her hips and he was slowly turning her around to face her fully. She brought her hands up his arms and rested them behind his neck.

His eyes were starring at hers at such intensity that she feared that if he starred a bit harder, she would burst into flames.

Spock starred into darkened blue pools that fascinated him from the moment he first laid eyes on her. Her pupils were blown wide and you could barely see the blue of her irises. And if Spock's assumptions were correct, his own pupils were blown wide too.

Jim licked her lips. Spock did the same thing.

Jim ran her eyes all over his face. Spock copied her movements.

Jim brushed her long fingers through the hair on the back of his head. Spock tightened the hold he had on her hips and his thumb moved up and down on her hip bones.

Jim brought one of her hands, that were going through his hair, back to his neck and then slipped underneath the collar of his science blue. Spock's thumbs, that were still making circles, lifted the hem of her black shirt and made contact with her bare flesh.

They both had to suppress their moans at the feeling of their skin touching.

Jim stood on her toes and Spock landed in a bit. They both angled their heads so their lips were almost touching now. They started leaning in.

Spock instinctively pulled her closed and Jim did the same thing. They were so close now that they could both already feel brush of their lips. Jim tugged Spock by the neck so that they could finally kiss properly and then...

...the doorbell rang.


	4. a perfect life

Jim didn't want to let go.

She still had one of her hands in his hair and the other one was still underneath the collar of his science blue uniform and it was drawing small circles there.

Spock didn't want to let go either.

His hands were still on her bare hip bones and even tho he stoped moving them over her skin, he had no desire to remove them either.

Their faces were still close and they were breathing rapidly.

The doorbell rang for the second time in the last minute.

Spock awkwardly cleared his throat and slowly removed his hands from Jim's hips. This wasn't right. He had a girlfriend. He shouldn't be doing this no matter how good it felt.

He brought his hands up and slid them over Jim's arms, that were still resting on the back of his neck, until they reached her hands. Once there he grasped them and removed them slowly, almost afraid of her reaction. Luckily she didn't protest. Because he had no idea what he would do if she did.

Jim watched him while he removed her arms from his neck. She didn't protest. She had no right to do so. He had a girlfriend. They shouldn't be doing this. She just stood there, breathing heavily, starring in his eyes that were basically screaming that this was the last thing he wanted to do.

What shook her out of her trance was a loud banging at door and a gruff voice of her best friend aka Bones could be heard from the other side of the door.

"Spock, damn it! Open up! I can't find Jim!"

Spock slowly stepped away from her and made his way to the door where he proceeded to unlock them. A disheveled form of her best friend stood on the other side and he was breathing heavily, almost as if he ran all the way here.

"Thank god you're here. I can't find Jim. Sulu told me she went with you to give a report to Archer, but now I can't find her anywhere. She is not in her dorm and Sulu also told me she might be injured."

"Doctor McCoy, calm down. Jim is here."

As to prove a point, he took one step aside and revealed Jim who's appearance was hidden by his board shoulders.

McCoy's eyes turned as wide as saucers when he took in her appearance. His eyes traveled from Jim to Spock and then back.

"Am I interrupting something?"

Jim and Spock shared a glance and then they both said,

"No!"

Jim's answer was a bit more forceful. McCoy looked at her suspiciously, but chose no to comment on it. Jim was grateful for that.

Bones pushed passed Spock and entered his quarters. Spock made a slight sound of disapproval but let him get away with it.

Once he was inside McCoy went straight forward to Jim, took her arm and sat her on Spock's couch. She didn't protest.

When Jim was seated on Spock's couch, McCoy took out his medical scanner and scanned her from top to bottom. The only things he found were an elevated heart rate and bruised ribs.

"Why are you here anyway? There's nothing wrong with your quarters."

Jim looked at Spock briefly, but then quickly turned her gaze towards her best friend.

"I had a roommate."

Bones looked at her sympathetically.

"You could have come to my place."

Jim just smiled sadly. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone. She knew he was very tired and she didn't want to bother him with her problems. The only reason she accepted Spock's offer was because he insisted. And also, she didn't want to scare him. She knew she would be having nightmares and she also knew he would stay up all nigh watching over her.

"I don't want to be a burden."

"Don't be ridiculous woman. You could never be a burden to me. "

Jim almost melted at those words. His voice was gentle and soothing. He only spoke in that voice when he was talking about his daughter or when he was worried about her.

Meanwhile, Spock was still positioned next to the door and was feeling very uncomfortable. He felt like an intruder in his own home and the reason for that was the fact that he was spying on private moment between two friends. He could clearly see that two friends cared about each other deeply. Leonard spoke differently with her than he spoke with anyone else. His voice was (dare to say) gentle. His famous frown left his forehead and his eyes were not as hard as when he spoke to someone else. Spock decided to break the silence.

"Pardon me Leonard, I believe I am to blame. Miss Kirk informed me that she had a roommate, therefore I insisted that she spends the night here."

"And where will you sleep, hobgoblin?"

Jim smacked Bones upside his head when she heard the way he called Spock. Bones didn't even blink.

"Vulcans do not require as much sleep as humans do. I shall simply spend the night meditating."

Bones looked sceptical for a moment, but eventually he just sighed, stood up and made a beeline to the door. Before he exited he turned towards Spock once again and told him,

"If she needs anything, don't hesitate to contact me."

Spock just nodded and closed the doors after Bones went out.

Jim was still on the couch, but now she was looking at him. Her sky blue eyes were starring into his brown human one's. Spock felt an unusual desire to kiss the said girl, even though he knew he shouldn't feel that. Nyota is his girlfriend, the person he is fully committed to. So, logically, wanting to kiss someone else was completely illogical. But Spock was also aware that, had they not been interrupted by Leonard McCoy, he would definitely took the 'next step' and kissed her. And possibly not just kissed her. Of course, the fact that he did not engage in any form of sexual intercourse for nearly two years wasn't helping his case either. His and Nyota's relationship was still relatively new.

Despite the popular belief, Vulcans enjoyed sex. They don't need to have sex outside the seven year cycle, but the act itself is not unwelcome. And Spock (like every other male species in the universe) welcomed it too.

Jim was (for the lack of a better term) horny. She didn't have sex in two weeks (which is a lot in hers case) and the look Spock was giving her did nothing to tame her desire. If Bones had not interrupted them, she would be all over Spock. She could still feel the tingling sensation where he touched her bare skin, she could still feel his minty breath on her lips. Pull yourself together Jim!

They just stood there gazing at each other, the air turning more awkward with each passing second.

Spock cleared his throat, that felt almost like he didn't use it for a while. At the sound of that Jim averted her eyes and coughed awkwardly.

"Jim," Spock's smooth voice filled her ears, "it would be wise for you to rest."

Jim, still unable to look him in the eyes, just nodded and said,

"Lead the way."

Spock passed her and she followed him to his bedroom. When they entered Jim was splashed in the face with a rich, musky smell that was purely Spock. It smelled like cinnamon mixed with Starfleet shower gel and some other spice that she couldn't quite name.

She snapped out of her trance when Spock gave her his black shirt and some comfortable gray sweatpants.

"I am afraid that this is the only clothes that will fit you. You may also use the shower if you wish."

Jim almost reluctantly took the clothes he offered her, their fingers brushing in the process. Jim almost jumped out of her skin when their fingers touched. It felt almost like an electric pulses were running through her body. It was strange yet very pleasant feeling.

Spock was feeling similar thoughts too. When their fingers touched, he barely suppressed the hiss that was trying to break through his lips. He felt a spark, a spark that went straight to his groin. He broke the contact as soon as Jim held his clothes in her hands. He almost groaned at the mental images of her in his bathroom naked, her in his clothes, her in his bed, her light body stretched out across his sheets.

He... he needed to mediate, now!

Without waiting for her response, he turned around on his heel and marched out of the room.

Jim was still gaping at the empty space Spock had been occupying few moments earlier. His pupils were dilated, his gaze intense. She blinked to clear the haze of arousal (both Spock's and hers) and slowly walked to the bathroom door.

The bathroom was big, but also very minimalistic. White tiles, white towels, white sink, everything was white. Above the sink stood a giant mirror. Jim also made a mistake of looking at it and god damn it she looked like crap. Her golden hair was looked more like a birds nest, her normally sky blue eyes were now dull and she had under eyes the size of a Texas underneath them. Her sharp cheekbones were now decorated with bruised, so were her sharp jawline and her thin, long neck. She took off her black shirt and gasped in surprise. Her ribs were rimmed with dark bruises and were very painful to touch. She also took off her pants and her boots and socks and exhaled in relief. Her legs, feet and toes were intact. There were no bruises on them. The same could be not said for her hands. Her knuckles were bruised and bloody from many punches she threw today.

Those were not her worst injuries. Physical wounds will heal. But the mental ones remain open for a longer period of time. She knew she will have nightmares tonight and she almost kicked herself because she didn't thought of that before. She also knew that it couldn't be helped now, so she just took off her underwear, turned the shower on, set the temperature and let the water wash away her problems. If only.

Spock heard unmistakable sound of a shower and let himself finally relax a bit. He sat on the couch, pretty disgracefully, and relaxed his tense shoulders and spine. He put his elbows on his knees and lowered his head in his hands. He took several deep breaths to try and calm himself. It didn't work. He could still feel the electric current that went through his body when their fingers touched. The fact that he was half hard form that moment wasn't very helpful either. He shook his head to get rid of the unwanted thoughts. He stood up, much more gracefully this time, found his candles, his mat and finally settled dow so he could mediate.

He took deep breaths, repeating the mantra inside his head with each breath. I am in control of my emotions. I am in control of my emotions.

A few moments later, he realized he couldn't quite concentrate on what he was saying. His thoughts were still running free. And these thoughts were were very inappropriate. Every image his brain provided sent an electric pulse through his spine straight to his cock. He was now completely hard and was breathing heavier. The worst part was that his brain just wouldn't shut up and also the fact that each and every thought and image was about the person that currently occupies his shower.

Jim in the shower.

Naked.

Water hitting that slim and light body.

Her long legs.

Her slim hips.

Her full breasts.

Her strong arms.

Her long, thin neck.

Her sharp jawline.

Her pouty lips.

Her high cheekbones.

Hey eyes.

Her hands.

He imagined her hands running through his hair. Her lips on his own. Her hands running lower and her lips following the trail her long slim fingers left behind. Her hands unbuttoning and unzipping the zipper on his pants, her fingers sneaking into his underwear. All of that time, her lips will follow. He imagined her hands taking him, her fingers stroking. After a few pumps she would take him in her mouth, her skilful tongue tracing the line from his head to the base of his cock. And he would find his release and he would make her swallow every drop. And for all that time, she would be watching him.

Spock snapped to attention when he felt his hot seamen filling his underwear. He was breathing hard and he also found out, with great displeasure, that he archived an orgasm. He came in his pants like a horny teenager. He shook his head, took a deep breath and stood up from his mat. He blew out the candles and stood so he could listed for a few moments. He could hear the sound of rhythmically breathing coming from his bedroom. She was asleep. Spock opened the door to his bedroom quietly. Jim was stretched out across his bead, her face in his pillow. He crossed the room, careful not to wake her, and entered his bathroom. There he took a quick shower, brushed his teeth and put his black sweatpants on.

He exited the bathroom, one again quietly, and opened his closet, from which he took his spare pillow and his blanket.

Upon leaving the bedroom, he debated should he leave the door open or should he close them. He left them open in case she needed him, but also because he found that the sound of her breathing had a soothing effect on him.

He dropped his pillow and blanket on the couch and he plopped down onto it himself. He grabbed a book that was on his coffee table and started reading where he left off.

Jim woke up with sun shining directly in her eyes. She smiled, but closed her eyes never the less and turned away from the blinding light. She buried her head in the pillow and breathed in slowly and deeply. She smelled that rick, musky smell and she couldn't help but to think this was the best night of sleep she had since... since forever actually. She slept peacefully through the night, no waking up, no nightmares, no noth... wait, what?

No nightmares, she had no nightmares. No dreams what so ever. Pleasant or unpleasant.

That thought wake Jim up completely. She jumped so now she was sitting rather than lying in bed. She was in king sized bed with white sheets and white pillow cases and boy did it smell good.

Wait, this is not my room.

Jim slowly searched her mind. What's the last thing she remembers? Let's see; admiral Archer, going with Spock to his quarters, almost kiss, Bones, and... and... and she never left his quarters. She took a shower and then promptly passed out from exhaustion. Huh, that explains the smell.

Jim swung her long legs on the side and crawled out of bed. She made a short trip to the bathroom where she splashed her face with cold water and brushed her teeth. Her face was looking better today. She still had bruises, but her under eyes were gone. Also she was hungry.

Barefoot, she went to the kitchen to find something to eat. When she opened the fridge she found all ingredients that she needed to make pancakes. She mixed all ingredients together and then took a pan, poured a little oil in it when she heard a sound. Must be Spock.

She put her pan with oil on the counter and entered the living room.

Spock was sleeping with his unfinished book on his chest,he was lying on his back with one leg popped up on the couch and the other one on the floor, his blanket and pillow underneath his head, when he heard a noise. Still not conscious enough, he groaned and rolled on his side, the book slipping from his chest and hitting the floor. He also took notice that he was unusually chilly. In attempt to warm himself up he warped his arms around himself, brought his knees to his chest and turned around so his head was now facing the back of his couch.

And that's exactly how Jim found him. She smiled at the sight of a Vulcan with a messy hair, curled into an almost fetal position. She also noticed that the said Vulcan is shirtless. He only wore a pair of black sweatpants that hung low on his hips. He was also shivering slightly. Careful not to wake him she tip toed to his bedroom and took the comforter that was on the bed and made her way over to a sleeping Vulcan.

When she returned, she noticed that he changed his position again. Right now his head was buried in his blanket and he was lying on his stomach, his legs and arms stretched out. Right now she had a great view of his board, muscled back and shoulders and she unconsciously licked her lips.

Realizing what she was doing she quickly but gently placed the comforter over his sleeping form and retreated to the kitchen.

Spock was aware that he was pretty uncomfortable in this position, so he quickly changed it. He turned on his stomach and buried his head into his too soft pillow and stretched out his limbs. Ah, that is better. He was also aware of the warmth that consumed him few seconds later. He decided not to question where it came from and to simply enjoy it. A few more minutes of sleep never killed anyone, right?

By the time she was done, Jim had already made at least two dozens of pancakes. She was getting ready to wake Spock up when he entered the kitchen barefoot.

Spock was awoken with a pleasant smell that he recognized as pancakes. He opened his eyes to see... nothingness. Then he realized his head was buried in the blanked that was lying on his pillow. So that's why his pillow seemed a little too soft. He had a comforter over his back. And that's why it was so warm. He could hear the sounds from a kitchen. Jim. She was humming and singing a song called 'Angel with a shotgun' by a 21st century band 'The Cab'. Spock decided that she had a lovely singing voice and just sat on his couch listening to her.

2.35 minutes later, she stopped singing and Spock was starting to be aware of how hungry he is. He threw the comforter off and marched into the kitchen.

She was there, covered in flour, cooking breakfast in his kitchen. That thought alone was enough for his brain to send an electric shock to his groin and Spock's cock twitched. He briefly closed his eyes and took a deep soothing breath to calm his nerves. This time, it worked. Thank Surak, because his sweatpants concealed nothing.

He opened his eyes and saw Jim's blue eyes starring at him in concern.

When Spock marched into the kitchen, Jim promptly froze. He was so adorable. His hair was all messed up, his eyes were still sleepy, his sweatpants were a little bit twisted form constant turning on the couch and he was barefoot. And he had the cutest toes she ever saw on a man.

She looked at his face and she saw he had his eyes closed and that he was breathing deeply. Then he opened his eyes and Jim was a bit concerned because she made herself at home and decided to use his kitchen. But what Spock said next calmed her down.

"I was not aware you cook."

"It's my hobby, it helps me calm down and I thought maybe I should thank you because you let me sleep in your bed. And I would also like to apologize because I made you sleep on the couch."

"I did not plan on falling asleep. Do not worry about that. Now, if you do not mind I will have my pancakes with blueberries and strawberries."

Jim smiled her famous smile (the one that swept men off of their feet) and grabbed a plate to put his breakfast on. Just as she was about to put the plate in front of him, the doorbell rang.

"If you will excuse me."

Spock turned on his heel and went to open the door.

When he did open the door Nyota Uhura waited for him with a smile on her face.

"Hey, can I come in?"

Spock said nothing and simply opened the door to let her in.

"I smell pancakes."

Spock nodded.

"Indeed. Would you care to join us?"

Nyota looked puzzled for a moment.

"Us?"

A voice could be heard from the kitchen.

"Spock, who is it?"

Uhura pushed passed Spock in a rush to get to the kitchen. When she did, she stopped dead in in her tracks. There in Spock's kitchen stood a tall blonde girl that went by nickname Jim.

When Jim turned around she didn't expect an angry looking Nyota Uhura to be starring back at her. And she knew why she was angry. Jim took a deep breath to calm herself and then spoke,

"Nyota, good morning. Before you say anything, it's not what you think. He slept on a couch."

Nyota looked less angry.

"Why is he shirtless?"

Jim shrugged and made a face that clearly said Just how am I supposed to know that? But instead of saying that she answered calmly,

"I don't know, because he sleeps like that."

Still suspicious Nyota asked,

"Why are you in his clothes?"

Jim smiled.

"Because mine were pretty dirty and I couldn't sleep in a clean bed with dirty clothes. That would be just rude."

"So, nothing happened?"

"No."

This time it was both Spock and Jim answering the question at the same time.

"Anyway, Uhura, would you like some pancakes?"

"Uh, no, um... I actually wanted to take a walk with Spock before I went to give my report to admiral Archer."

"Um, I will join you, if you don't mind."

Uhura looked at her and then shrugged. Eh, I just want company, though I would prefer Spock.

"Sure."

Jim nodded and then turned towards Spock.

"Can I borrow this", she gestured to her outfit, "right now I've got nothing else here and..."

"There is no need to explain further. You may use the clothes you have been provided with."

"Thanks. Your breakfast is on the table."

"You have my gratitude."

Jim nodded and went to his bedroom to pull on her socks and her boots. Once she was ready she closed the door behind her and entered the living room.

"Ok we can go, are you ready?"

Uhura nodded and she turned to exit Spock's living room with Jim on her tail. They said goodbye to Spock and stepped out.

They walked in silence for nearly ten minutes, when they found a park bench and settled down.

"You know, for someone that has everything in it's life, you sure are trying to take something that belongs to another. A lot. I mean, you did have a perfect life. So tell me this, why are you trying to take Spock away from me?"

Jim turned to look at Uhura with shock and anger in her eyes.

Jim laughed. But this laugh wasn't her normal bubbly laugh that made everyone around her smile. No this laugh was bitter and angry.

"A perfect life?" She managed to say in pauses between her, now hysterical, laugh.

Uhura turned to star at her in shock. She has never heard Kirk laughing like that. She was always positive, never bitter and if she was honest this laugh made the hair at the back of her neck stands up.

"A perfect life? You think I had a perfect life and that now the only thing that's missing is your Spock?"

When she said that she fell into another hound of hysterical maniacal laughter and Uhura was now beginning to think this was not such a good idea.

"Let me tell you something Uhura. Since you think I had a perfect life, I'm gonna tell you the real story of James T. Kirk. Here it goes. So as you already know I was born on January 6 2233 also know as the tay my pops bit the dust," Uhura's eyes widened at that, "and since they were expecting a boy, my mother didn't have a heart to tell her husband that they have a daughter, so my father named me James Tiberius Kirk. And that's the only thing he gave to me, because in the next ten seconds he was dead."

Jim was breathing hard, but she wasn't about to stop either.

"As soon as my mother married again and she was able to leave me alone, she fled. And I was left with an asshole of a stepfather. When I was ten years old, my brother Sam, I liked to call him Sammy even tho he blamed me for his father's death, left me too. And I was alone with my stepfather that liked to drink, a lot. He beat me every chance he had and when he tried to sell my father's antique car, I decided to take a car for a test drive, over a cliff. So when he beat me when I came home, he bought a ticket to a shuttle for Tarsus IV."

Uhura had tears in her eyes, and when she heard about Tarsus IV one tear slipped from her right eye. But Jim wasn't done yet.

"On Tarsus IV everything was fine for a couple of months. But then didn't have enough food anymore, and Kodos decided to kill a few thousand people so that the rest could survive. I was one of those lucky ones that were convicted to death. Somehow, I don't know how, I was able to survive together with eight other kids. I took care of them. I was only thirteen at the time and taking care of other children wasn't an easy task."

Uhura was full on crying and sobbing now.

"There were a lots of children I had to take care of, but only eight of them survived. Since my escape from Tarsus my life turned upside down. Frank married some other girl and he left a farm with an unpaid bills. I had to work in two shifts to survive. From that point my life has been nothing but working my ass off and fucking. And then I met you that night in Iowa and I beat those guys up and that's when Pike found me and told me to enlist in Starfleet and I laughed in his face. But I guess the only smart choice I ever made was to take his advice and enlist in Starfleet."

Uhura was barely breathing now.

"And in the academy, I fucked everything that walked, but I did that because of my insecurities. I was so insecure about myself and sex is the only thing I knew I was good at. So yeah Nyota, if that's your vision of 'a perfect life' then yes, I truly had a perfect life. "

Jim pain no mind to Nyota's wet cheeks and puffy red eyes when she looked at the watch and said,

"Let's go, it's almost eight."

Jim stood up and marched away from Uhura. She didn't care if Uhura was following her. Right now she had a goal.

To get completely plastered.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Sorry for the wait guys, but I guess that's why you have an extra long chapter. Oh also I will be updating my other story by the end of this week so stay tuned. Enjoy.


	5. drinking the problems away

Jim made it to her room where she stripped down naked, took a shower, brushed her teeth, dried herself, put on a sexy lacy lingerie and a sexy black dress and applied a bit of foundation, bit of blush, bit of mascara and a bit of lipstick. She added some accessories, did her hair and put on a pair of sexy black pumps. She looked in the mirror and gave herself a thumbs up and she was out the door.

People in the streets gave her a confused glances. I mean you would do the same thing if you saw a girl with proportions of a supermodel walking around town dressed for a night out at 9 a.m.

Jim paid them no mind and instead of giving them glares, she gave each and every one of them a flirty wave and a wink. She simply didn't care. Uhura said she has a perfect life. Well, if she didn't have it till now, she is about to have it from now.

In reality, Jim solved her problems with fighting, fucking or drinking. Sometimes all three at once. Right now she wanted to drink and if she finds a nice guy or a hot girl, well it's a bonus.

She walked to the nearest bar, which was about two miles away. When she entered she was pleasantly surprised to see that she wasn't the only one that needed to drink her problems away. They were not dressed as fancy as her. A lot of them had a Starfleet insignia on their chests and they were mostly cadets.

When Jim entered all eyes turned to look at her. Jim could hear the whispers. Many of them recognized her.

"Is that Capitan Kirk?"

"Oh my god, what is she doing here?"

"That's the daughter of famous George Kirk."

"Why is she dressed like that at 9:30 a.m.?"

Jim ignored all the whispers and went straight to the bar. She waved to the bartender and he made his way over to her.

"What can I get you?"

"Give me the strongest thing you've got."

The bartender nodded and went to get her a drink. In the meantime she ran her eyes over the small crowd and spotted a group of people that weren't from Starfleet. They weren't wearing a uniform and they weren't paying attention to her. Jim smirked. Perfect.

The bartender gave her her drink and she responded,

"Keep 'em coming."

Jim took her drink and made her way over to a small group of people.

"Hey, can I join you?"

At the sound of her voice every member of the group looked up. Men were gaping while the girls were happy to add another female to their group, even tho they already dominated when it came to the number.

"Sure, have a seat."

"Thanks, my name is James, but you can call me Jim."

When she said what's her name, most of them looked puzzled but before any of them could ask her about it she gave them answer.

"My parents thought they were having a boy and they decided to stick with it."

Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

The girls introduced themselves, but boys needed a bit more motivation because they were still gaping openly at Jim. So they sat and talked for at least six hours. Around 4 p.m. Jim was almost noticeably drunk. She had so many drinks she couldn't even count. They were all laughing and telling their life stories. Then it was Jim's turn.

"What about you Jim?"

This question was asked by a brunette whose name Jim forgot.

"Well, today I was told that my life is perfect. I mean one of my colleagues told me that. Now I'm not sure if she's right, but, here it goes."

Jim cleared her throat.

"I was born on the day my father bit the dust, perfect event number 1, next, my mother left me when I was three my mother married again and then she fled the planet, that's perfect event number 2, my stepfather beat me when he had a chance, perfection number 3, my brother left me when I was ten and a bonus to that one, he never really loved me, in fact he blamed me for our father's death, that's perfection number 4, number 5 would definitely be my lovely trip to Tarsus IV where I was convinced to death by a crazy general, number 6 would be numerous bar fights I had after I returned from my death, number 7 is an event that took a place in less than 24 hours ago, which included a crazy future Romulan that tried to bring down my crew and me with them, and my final would definitely be that I'm attracted to a guy that I can never have."

By the time she finished story everyone were looking at her with pity in their eyes, but frankly Jim was too drunk to notice.

"So tell me. If that's not a perfect life, nothing is am I right?"

They all kept quiet after that.

"Wait are we playing silence nowm Oh shit, I just talked. Shit I did it again. Oh fuck me, you know what, I'm gonna shut up."

After her drunken confession they decided to change the topic. Jim agreed and the party was on again.

When Nyota returned to Spock's quarters, she found him cleaning the dishes. It was around 2 p.m. when she entered his kitchen. The reason she was so late was because she stayed at that park bench for a good hour and a half after Kirk went. She was the last go give her report about the incident.

Nyota wanted to apologize. She judged Kirk without any proves. She just assumed Kirk had an easy life, when in reality, her life was probably the worst case scenario she could imagine.

Spock's back were turned to her, but she knew he heard her.

"Where's Kirk?"

Spock stopped scrubbing dishes to give her his full attention.

"Miss Kirk is not here. Has she not been with you this whole time?"

"No, we parted ways at around 8 a.m. Haven't seen her since."

Spock rose his eyebrows.

"I see. Why do you require her presence?"

Nyota looked at the ground in shame.

"I... I wanted to apologize."

A frown appeared between Spock's eyebrows.

"What for?"

"I insulted her badly this morning. I was jealous because she spent the night here and I told her she should back off."

"I see."

"That's not all I said though. I also made a mistake of assuming she had a perfect life, that she had everything. I didn't even think it through, the words just flew out of my mouth. Like I had no brain to mouth filter."

Spock's face was now displaying an open shock.

"Nyota, why would you say something like that?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know! I was stupid, I know it, ok! I know it!"

Spock, now with trembling hands, took out his communicator and dialed Leonard.

"Ya, what do ya need Spock?"

"Doctor, we have a problem. Can you notify the rest of the senior officers to meet us at the campus in 15 minutes?"

"Spock, what's going on, is it Jim?"

"Doctor, I will explain everything, just do as I told."

Spock hung up, passed Uhura to get to his bedroom where he opened his closet and pulled out a pair of Starfleet issued pants and a Starfleet science uniform. When he finished getting dressed, he crossed the room in a couple long strides and exited his bedroom. Nyota was there waiting for him. She was visibly shaking and her head was in her hands.

"Are you mad at me?"

"It is not I that should be 'mad' as you say. I shall simply say that you own Miss Kirk an apology."

Nyota nodded, still not meeting his eyes.

"We should go."

She nodded and stood up from the couch. Spock exited first, Nyota hot on his tail. Ten minutes later they met with a very worried McCoy and the rest of senior officers.

"Spock damn it, what's this about."

"Have any of you recently seen Miss Kirk?"

Everyone shook their head no. Spock made an audible sound that resembled a sigh.

"Spock, what's going on?"

It was not Spock that answered his question.

"It... it's my fault. We had an argument this morning and I insulted her."

"Jim wouldn't lose her shit because of some stupid argument. This was bigger. What did you say to her?"

"I...I I basically told her she is a whore that's trying to steal my boyfriend and that she should stick to things she already has, because she always had everything in life."

McCoy's eye was visibly twitching and the rest of the crew looked at her like she was crazy.

"You...what?" It was safe to say McCoy was pissed.

"Ay lass, why did ya say somethin' like that?" This one was from Scotty.

Chekov and Sulu were both quiet. They had nothing to say.

Then McCoy snapped his head up like he was shot and he looked from Spock to Uhura. Spock caught McCoy's eyes and his own eyebrows disappeared somewhere in his bangs. He was pleading McCoy not to say anything. Luckily, McCoy decided to keep his mouth shut and Nyota didn't caught the look McCoy was sending them.

"Alright, here is what we shall do. Split around the campus and try contacting Miss Kirk. If she does not answer, I would suggest asking other people if they either saw her or heard anything about her. In case you find some useful informations, you shall contact me."

At this last statement everyone looked at Spock but he continued as if nothing happened.

"At last, if you do not find anything, we shall meet here at 7 p.m. Are we clear?"

A choir of "Aye sir" could be heard and Spock nodded.

"Nyota, go to the hospital. Perhaps she visited Capitan Pike."

Nyota nodded and they parted ways. Spock took his communicator and dialed her com number. No one answered. He tried again with the same results. He crossed the campus and made his way over to her dorm room. He put his overdrive code and the door to her dorm swished open. The first thing he noticed when he entered were his clothes discarded on the floor. He picked up his communicator again and tried calling her. He heard a beep from the bedroom and he made his way in. She wasn't there. Before he left he searched the rest of her room, but found nothing.

Jim was having the time of her life. It was around 6:40 p.m. and the bar was filled with loud music and drunk gang of 17 people which included Jim and 16 other drunk adults. Jim could barely stand, let alone dance but she was trying her best. It worked for now. She was drowning Klingon blood wine since she came into the bar together with an earth whiskey and a few more different drinks. She was surprised she wasn't dead yet.

A group of young Starfleet cadets left the bar at the moment her legs gave out.

It was 6:59 p.m. and no one called to say that Jim has been found. Spock was standing in the middle of campus when he noticed the rest of the officers approaching.

"Nothing?" He asked.

"Nothing." Was everyone's answer.

Spock rubbed his forehead. He was starting to have a headache.

"Spock, we have to find her. Jim is extremely sensitive when it comes to this things. I am afraid something will happen to her."

" I am positive Miss Kirk is capable of defending herself."

"Damn it Spock! That's not what I'm worried about. I am worried that she might try hurting herself."

Spock's eyes widened comically and he looked at the McCoy alarmingly.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a young cadet came to them and said,

"Excuse me. Are you maybe talking about Capitan James T. Kirk?"

"Yes." It was Spock that provided an answer.

"She is in the nearby bar two miles away. But sir, there is something you should know. We asked the bartender and he said that she had been there since 9:30 a.m. When we left the bar she could barely stand and for all the time that we spent there she was knocking down shots of Klingon blood wine and whiskey like water."

Spock almost cursed out loud but he managed to catch himself. He thanked the cadet and turned towards McCoy.

"Doctor, you are with me. The rest of you, go back to what you were doing before this whole fiasco."

They all nodded and Spock and McCoy made their way to Spock's car. When they came to the parking lot they almost sprinted over to Spock's car.

Spock's car roared into life with his voice command and few seconds later they were rushing down the busy roads of San Francisco. Spock was driving like a maniac and McCoy had to hold onto the arm holder in fear of falling out.

"What really happened last night."

Spock kept quiet.

"I interrupted something, didn't I?"

Spock's silence was a good enough answer to McCoy.

Two minutes later Spock was jumping out of his hoover car, not bothering to move his car off the street. McCoy followed him into the not so crowded bar.

Jim was sitting in a chair, her elbow on the table and her head in her hand. Her knees were parted and Spock could clearly see what type of underwear she wore.

McCoy was standing like a statue just looking at the disheveled form of his best friend.

Spock shook out of his trance first and moved towards the girl he cared for more than he wanted to admit. He crouched down in front of her, pulling her knees back together, so she wouldn't flash anyone else. He took her face in his hands and made her look at him. Her blue eyes were unfocused and dull. He tried speaking to her.

"Jim, are you well?"

She just smiled but her eyes filled with tears. She leaned into his touch and the tears she tried to suppress were now running down her face.

Spock was lost. He didn't know what to do or what to say. The only thing he could do is wipe her tears away.

"Jim, are you injured?"

She shook her head but massaged her temples never the less.

McCoy finally returned to earth when he saw his friend's tears streaming down her face. He moved closer so that he could inspect her. He took his pad and scanned her with it. She didn't have alcohol poisoning which was a good sign.

"Jim, can you stand?"

"No." It was a broken whisper that caused Spock's heart to clench.

"Alright, I shall carry you."

"Ok." She whispered. It seemed that she wasn't capable of nothing more than a whisper and shake of her head.

Spock brought one of his arms behind her back and his other hand underneath her knees. In his arms she was a dead weight. McCoy opened the door for Spock and they exited the bar.

McCoy opened the door to Spock's car so that he could lower Jim onto the backseat. But just as he was about to lower her onto the backseat, Jim suddenly clung onto him almost sobbing.

"Please don't leave me. Everybody leaves me. Please. Don't."

McCoy's heart broke at the sight and he said to Spock,

"I'll drive."

Spock nodded and positioned himself on the backseat with Jim on his lap. Jim snuggled into the warmth Spock provided. He brought the hand that was supporting her knees and with his fingers he went through her hair trying to loosen up the knots.

McCoy looked at the mirror and almost crashed the car when he saw the sight. Jim was nuzzling her head in the crock of the half Vulcan's neck and the said half Vulcan was going though Jim's hair with his fingers. McCoy almost blushed at the sight and cursed inwardly at the cuteness.

When they reached the academy, McCoy leaped out of the car first and opened the door for Spock to step out. Spock hoisted Jim into his strong arms and she clung even closer to him.

They made their way across the campus to teachers quarters. Spock gave McCoy his code and the doctor opened the door for Spock to step in. Spock immediately went to his bedroom where he gently lowered Jim onto his bed. He went to step away from bed but Jim caught his arm with cat like reflexes.

"Stay, please. Don't leave me alone."

McCoy though Spock will protest, but he was proven wrong when Spock took off her high heels and then took off his own shoes and then climbed into bed.

"You may go doctor. I shall take care of her."

"If she needs anything..."

Spock just nodded.

The last thing McCoy heard before the doors of Spock's quarters closed were the sounds of Jim's sobbing and Spock's calm voice telling her that everything will be alright.


	6. tango

Jim was crying. She was aware of this fact. She was also aware that she was crying in Spock's bed, in Spock's arms with her head buried in the hollow of his neck. She had a hard time comprehending the fact that Spock was holding her. Hell, he was comforting her. She thought that he would step away from physical contact, but evidently, she was wrong.

When she saw Spock in that bar, she felt overwhelmed. He knelt in front of her, brought her knees back together, took her face in his insanely warm and soft hands (that felt so good) and that was the moment (Jim was vaguely aware) when she started crying. Tears were falling down her face and she couldn't do anything to stop them. She was powerless.

Memory of her best friend Bones was blurry on her. Everything else was blurry. That loud crazy bar. People she hung out with. Her best friend's voice saying something about her not having an alcohol poisoning...

The only thing that was perfectly clear was Spock.

She remembers the tiny frown that appeared between his brows when she wouldn't (couldn't) respond to his question. She remembers the not so subtle widening of his pupils when the tears started falling. She remembers how gentle he was when he carried out of that stupid bar and she also remembers that she clung onto him when he tried to lay her on the backseat.

He could have said no. He could have just put her down and ignore her for the rest of the ride home. He had every right to do that. After all, Vulcans didn't like anyone in their personal space. Yet, he stayed with her. Why?

She remembers his long thin fingers going through her knotted hair that looked more like a birds nest that her actual hair. She remembers how not shy he was when he was rubbing comforting circles on her back. Then she remembers those strong hands lifting her up again. She vaguely remembers a short walk to his quarters and then once in his bedroom, he lowered her down on the soft sheets.

She remembers feeling cold. She felt alone. Lonely. She was alone her entire life. She didn't want to be alone anymore. With cat like reflexes she caught his arm. She begged him not to leave her alone. She begged. She never begged for anything in her life. Not even on Tarsus. She didn't beg in the worst moments of her life. So why? Why did a simple touch of his warm, gentle, soft skin caused such a breakdown?

He could have said no. He should have said no. She was prepared to be rejected. But then he took off her heels and then took off his boots and he climbed into bed next to her. She snuggled into the warmth he provided. And when the feeling of safe kicked in, she broke down. Tears started falling down again but this time they were followed with a heard wrecking sobbing.

Spock wasn't sure why he did what he did.

Why was he so worried when Nyota told him she insulted the Capitan? He knew Jim is capable of defending herself in any situation even when heavily inhibited. His heart almost stopped when doctor McCoy said she might harm herself. His hard stopped when he saw her in that bar, dressed in that figure hugging dress, knees parted, parted in particular way that everyone could see what type of underwear she wore. He saw. He also didn't want anyone else seeing. He leaped across the floor, crouched down in front of her, brought her knees back together (because it was inappropriate for a Capitan to behave this way, or at least, that's what he was telling himself) and took her face in his hands.

As soon as he did that, the tears started falling. Hot, wet, sad tears.

She couldn't walk so he carried her out. That's the only reason he did that. Not because he wanted to feel her soft skin on his again. Or because he wanted to show everyone in that bar that she is not available. Or because he saw a few male guys giving her lustful looks. No. He carried her only because he was worried she might pass out. Or hurt herself. Those were the only reasons. There could be no other... Right?

Yeah right. Keep telling yourself that. His human half mocked.

In the car, he didn't know why he stayed with her. His Vulcan half was telling him that he should just leave her in the back. But his human half, half that understood what she was going through told him he should stay with her. His human half won. It appeared that, when Jim was involved, his human half would often come out victorious.

He brushed her hair. He draw circles on her back. She sat in his lap with her head in the crock of his neck, nuzzling. And he let her.

If they were on Vulcan, such behavior would be seen as a very intimate act, and if there were Vulcan driving a car, they would definitely be thrown out. Luckily, for both him and her, that was not the case. He was vaguely aware that McCoy almost crashed the car but at that moment he chose not to comment on it.

When McCoy stopped the car at the academy's parking lot and opened the door for him and Jim, he wasted no time. He hoisted Jim into his arms and they crossed the campus to his room. Once there he gave McCoy access code to his room and carried Jim to his bedroom. He planned to just put her on bed and let her sleep, but when she caught his arm and practically begged him to stay with her, he couldn't resist.

He took off her high heels and then he took his own boots off and climbed into bed next to her. McCoy was standing there like a statue with his eyes that by now were the size of a smaller planet. And when McCoy left, Jim's control promptly collapsed and she broke down sobbing.

In normal circumstances, Spock wouldn't know what to do, or what to say. Yet, here he was, whispering comforting (or at least he hoped they were) things to Jim.

Why? Why did he do that? He wasn't obligated to comfort her. By Vulcan standards, this would have been a pure act of rebellion. Touching someone so intimately, and whispering comforting things. No. This was definitely not a Vulcan way.

And yet, here you are. His human side peaked through.

After almost half an hour, Jim's sobs finally subdued and they turned into an occasional hiccup.

Jim was so embarrassed. She didn't cry in over 10 years, and now something as minor as an insult from a person that's not even her friend led her to a complete breakdown. And in front of Spock nonetheless.

Jim sniffed and slowly, reluctantly removed herself from Spock's embrace. He let her go, but it seemed he didn't want to do that.

Her head was tucked in Spock's neck and she was violently gripping the collar of his regulation science blue shirt. She even tangled her legs with Spock's and his left hand was drawing small comforting circles on her dress clad back.

Jim slowly lifted her head up so she could look him in the eyes. She was afraid of what she would find in those pools of dark chocolate but she was surprised when she found nothing but sympathy in them. Spock turned around briefly, his legs still tangled with hers, and gave her a tissue. She accepted and nodded in thanks and then proceeded to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. When she finished, Spock was still watching her.

"I am sorry." Her voice was rough and raspy, almost like when you're having a cold or you didn't use it for a while.

"Would it be beneficial if we, as humans say, talked about it?"

She shrugged, but untangled her legs from his and scooted away from him, removing herself from his comforting embrace completely now. She was now lying on her back, her head popped up on a pillow, her eyes starring at the ceiling.

When she untangled herself from him and settled almost on the other side of his bed, Spock thought that she wouldn't share her problems, but he was proven wrong when she took a deep breath and started speaking.

"After Uhura and I went out, we walked in silence for a few minutes. When we found a suitable park bench and sat down, she started talking shit. She told me how I had a perfect life, how I should stop trying to take you away from her, stuff like that and I just snapped like a rubber band because I could not not to crack under the pressure. I mean, you know my life story, you obviously knew it since that hearing because you had to do a research to find that information about my dad. By the time I finished my story, she was crying a god damn river and I just left. Spock, I - I didn't cry in over 10 years and now... I don't even know anymore."

"Lieutenant Uhura had no right to assume such thing."

"No, Spock. She had right to assume. She just didn't have right to bring out these assumptions in the form of accusations."

She breathed in and lifted herself up in he elbows, swung her legs over and stood up from the bed.

"I'm just gonna go. Good night Spock. Sorry for being a burden."

"You do not have to go. You may use my quarters for as long as you need."

"And be a third wheel every time your girlfriend comes over... yeah, I think I'll pass."

She picked up her heels and crossed the room in a few long strides, Spock right on her tail. Once at the door she turned around and almost crashed into Spock's chest. She looked at him, but this time her eyes were cold and Spock had to suppress a shiver.

"Thank you for your hospitality Commander. But since you will not stay on earth I see no reason for us to continue this... friendship. Good night, Minster Spock."

She then turned around and ran from his room, as doctor McCoy would say, 'a bad outta hell'. Spock just stood there, starring at the door. He took a deep breath to calm the impulse,that was threatening to break through, to run after the blue eyed beauty. He closed his eyes and gained the composure of himself then returned to his living room and took his PADD and wrote a short but formal nonetheless message to admiral Archer where he insisted that all the charges against Kirk should be dropped. A few minutes later, admiral responded that all of the charges will be dropped and that promotion will be held tomorrow at 5 p.m. and a formal dinner at 7 p.m. When that was done, he brought out his matt and candles and settled down to meditate. He needed to regain the control of himself.

Jim walked over the campus, her heels in her hand. She marched to her room, closed the door and leaned onto them. She took a calming breath, dropped her heels, unzipped her dress and let it pool around her dirty feet. She stepped over it and made her way to the bathroom. Just as she was about to enter her bathroom, her PADD rung, signaling an incoming message. She sighed and returned to her bedroom, took her PADD and carefully read the message.

All charges against her were dropped and she will be promoted to Capitan tomorrow at 5 p.m. and the formal dinner and ceremony will take place at 7 p.m. Promotion meant formal uniforms, but ceremony meant a long elegant dresses and all that shit.

Jim sighed. She dropped her PADD on her bed and went into the bathroom where she proceeded to have a long shower. Once she finished that, she brushed her teeth and not bothering to dry her hair or even put any clothes on, she collapsed onto her bed and fall asleep completely naked.

When she woke up next morning she brushed her teeth, threw some clothes on and walked to the hospital. Pike should be released by 9 a.m. and she wanted to be the one to wheel him out of the hospital. She gave her informations to the nurse and they took her to the room Pike was in. Jim knocked.

"Come in." When she came Pike was still lying on his hospital bed and was currently reading a PADD. But when she approached he put his PADD down and gave her his full attention.

"Ok, what's wrong, Jim? What happened?"

Jim looked him in the eyes but her own eyes displayed nothing. She made herself a promise that she will never show what she's feeling again. So right now her face portrayed nothing and that's what triggered Pike's worry.

Jim sighed.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly fine. Now tell me, are you ready to get out of here?"

Pike obviously knew something's wrong, but god bless him, he chose not to comment on it.

"You bet your ass I am. I just need to sign some things and then we're out."

Right at that moment a nurse came in. She held a medical PADD in her hand. She smiled at Jim and Pike and handed her PADD over to Pike. After signing up documents, he was given clothes, they helped him with putting his clothes on, the other nurse wheeled in a wheelchair, in which they positioned Pike in and Jim was finally able to wheel Pike out.

"So, where do you want to go now that you're free?"

"How about some nice little coffee shop?"

Jim nodded. "Deal."

The nearest coffee shop was 10 minutes away and they went through the San Francisco's park. When they finally settled down in their booth and gave their orders, Pike spoke.

"Congratulations. I heard they gave you my ship."

There was a teasing note to his voice and Jim couldn't help but to reciprocate the gesture.

"I think you'll find it's my ship now, Chris."

Pike just laughed at that.

"Did you send out an invitations?"

"Everyone that are not dead will be joining me. Why would they want to be assigned to another ship, when this is the best god damn ship in the Fleet?"

"What about Spock?"

Jim kept her blank stare.

"What about him?"

"Don't give me that shit kid. After what happened to him it would be only logical for him to join the remaining Vulcans. So, what did he say?"

Jim sighed. "He said he will be joining them."

"So that's the reason you act like someone pissed in your drink."

It wasn't a question. It was a fact.

"I'm fine."

"The hell you are. Don't fuck with me kid. I know you. Not as good as you know yourself, but I do know you. You like that guy."

Jim winced. "I don't see how that's relevant?"

"Jim, c'mon. Spill."

"There's nothing to spill, sir."

"You sure about that?"

"Absolutely."

Pike narrowed his eyes but kept his mouth shut. They drunk their coffee in silence.

"Any plans for today, kid?"

"I'm taking you dress shopping with me."

It wasn't a question.

When they finished their coffee, they collected their things and they were out. Jim liked to walk and Pike wanted to go 'sight seeing' so he and Jim walked (that is, Jim walked and Pike stayed in his wheelchair) for almost two hours through the city until they stumbled upon a boutique and Pike wouldn't stop nagging until they entered.

The boutique was pretty fancy with all types of gowns and shoes and tuxedos and all that cray shit.

"Can I help you?"

Jim wanted to say no, but Pike beat her to it and answered yes.

"We're looking for a ball gown, not too puffy or anything, but yet elegant enough for a ceremonial dinner. Also it shouldn't be too revealing. And while you're at it make sure the color of the gown matches her eyes. Thank you."

The girl nodded, smiled and went to search a perfect gown that will fit Jim.

When she left, Jim looked at Pike with growing curiosity.

"Just how exactly do you know so much about dresses?"

"I've been on a fair share of ceremonies organized by Starfleet."

At that moment a girl returned with a beautiful blue dress that was almost the exact same color as Jim's irises. She gave it to Jim and Pike ushered her into a changing room. Five minutes later, Jim emerged from behind the curtain and Pike was left speechless.

The floor length gown with a medium sized train had a massive slit right at the middle and it showed off Jim's gorgeous legs. The upper part hugged her body almost perfectly but at the waist it had a tiniest amount of puff. And the color suited Jim perfectly.

Pike was gaping like a fish on a dry land and when Jim did a slow and provocative turn, just to ease him, he swallowed, hard.

"How do I look?" Was Jim's question.

"Go fuck yourself." Was Pike's answer.

Jim laughed. She couldn't help herself. His face in combination with his answer... she laughed so hard her stomach started to hurt.

"So, should I buy it?"

"Kid, if you don't buy it, I will."

She laughed again and turned around, marched into her cabin and closed the curtain. Two minutes later, they were paying for the dress and five minutes later, they were leaving the store.

At the same time, in Starfleet's hangar Spock was warping up his conviction with Spock Prime.

Spock Prime gave him the Vulcan salute and they parted ways. Spock was left standing there, more confused than ever. Spock Prime just told him to remain in Starfleet. And he was completely lost.

By the time Jim and Pike returned to the academy it was already almost 4 p.m. jim dropped off Pike in his apartment, took her dress and almost ran across the campus to her room. She took a quick shower, put on her red uniform and she was out the door. By the time she reached the room the promotion ceremony will be held in, it was 4:30 p.m. already and people started arriving.

By 4:55 p.m. everyone were in the room, but Jim didn't see Spock anywhere. The entire bridge squad was there, only Spock, the person that meant the most to her, was absent.

By 5:10 she had a medal attached to her red uniform and the entire room erupted in applause.

Pike was the first to congratulate her. Right after him came Scotty, then Sulu and Chekov, then Bones (that grumbled something about her having a death wish), and then there was Uhura that pulled Jim to the side.

"First of all, let me say I am extremely sorry for my behavior. I should have never assumed such things."

"You're forgiven."

"Look I know I made a mistake and I - Wait, hold on. Did you just say that you forgive me?"

"Yes, lieutenant, you're forgiven."

"Oh my god. I don't know what to say."

"Just say you will stay aboard the Enterprise."

"Of course I will. Oh, congratulations by the way Capitan."

Jim laughed at Nyota's teasing. But then she remembered a very important person and the smile died on her lips.

"What about Spock?"

Uhura looked at her shoes awkwardly.

"He's not joining us, is he?"

Uhura shook her head. Jim sighed.

After the promotion ceremony, Jim wheeled Pike back to his apartment and helped him get into his suit. When she was done, Pike thanked her and she went to her quarters to get dressed. She pit her dress on, applied some minimal make up, tied her hair up in a fancy bun, slipped on her 4 inch stilettos, grabbed her clutch and she was out.

Spock was having a second thoughts. Spock Prime kinda messed up his plans. 'Put aside logic, do what feels right.' He knew that logical thing would be to go to the New Vulcan and assist in rebuilding the race and everything else. But what felt right. Spock knew, if he indeed went to Vulcan, he would be unhappy. Between his peers, he was an outcast. A half breed. Here in Starfleet, it felt like home. Like he belonged here. He sighed. Maybe he should rethink his decision.

While he was thinking, he put on a classic black tuxedo, combed his hair a bit and he was out the door.

By the time Jim reached a section where the dinner and fancy ceremony was held it was already around 7:20 p.m. which meant she was officially (and fashionable) late.

When Jim entered, everything became quiet. A low rumble broke through the crowd and every head snapped in her direction.

Jim didn't blush, she almost never did. Besides, no one in this room deserved to see her blush. Except maybe Chekov.

She held her head high and marched through the room in couple long strides. It seemed as though the music was quieter too. Her heels clicked loudly on the marble floor, but she paid them no mind.

When she reached the table her bridge crew occupied, everyone were gaping at her. Every chair was occupied, except two. Hers and Spock's. But Spock's chair already had a used napkin, so that meant he was here. Before she sat down, she ran her eyes all over the room. May heads were still looking at her direction. She ignored them all and continued her search.

"If you're looking for Spock, he's right over there." It was Uhura that said that and she pointed to a table that admirals occupied.

Spock was in a deep conversation with Pike, but as soon as Jim looked at his direction, he snapped his head to look at her.

Spock was engaged in a deep conversation with Pike when he heard a rumble going through the crowd. Pike just smile (because he obviously knew what was that about) but didn't turn around and just continued his conversation with Spock.

Since Pike didn't stray from conversation, Spock felt like it would be rude for him to do so. He was just about to tell Pike about his decision not to leave Starfleet when he felt someone's eyes digging a metaphorical hole in the back his head. Even tho he felt that, he still didn't avert his eyes from admiral's until he heard Pike chuckle.

"I think someone's looking for you Mr Spock." Pike's eyes shined with laughter and he turned his head in the direction from which Spock felt the stare. He snapped his head in that direction so fast he feared he might get a whiplash.

And then he saw her.

And she was beautiful.

Spock's heart stopped. There is no other way of describing the sight he was seeing at that moment. His heart either stopped completely or his heart beat became so rapid that he couldn't feel it anymore.

He was absolutely sure he looked like a complete moron just standing like a statue with his eyes the size of a bigger planet. He was also aware of his mouth opening and closing but no sound came out.

He was brought down to earth when he heard Pike chuckling almost mockingly but he still had to avert his eyes from Jim.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?"

Spock swallowed. Yes, she was. She was so beautiful that he was left speechless. She wore a beautiful off shoulders gown, that followed every curve up to her waist. At her waist it had a tiniest amount of puff, so the gown now didn't follow the line of her body, It was pooling around her feet. But the most striking thing was the fact that her dress matched almost perfectly with the color of her eyes.

"Mr Spock, perhaps you should join your friends, we can continue this conversation later."

Still not averting his eyes, he nodded and made his way to the table.

Jim was now seated at the table, her gown almost all the way on the side where it occupied the most of the space on her chair and even on the floor. She was drinking champagne when she saw him approaching. She almost chocked on it, and she probably would, if Uhura didn't slap her on the back a couple of times.

But it wasn't Spock himself that caused such a reaction (ok, she's lying) but rather what he was wearing. Spock was wearing a tuxedo. Spock was wearing a tuxedo.

Just as he was about to sit down, a music started. It was a classic waltz. Spock was a bit perplexed because of sudden sound, but he recovered soon enough and while he maintained eye contact with her, he gave his hand to Uhura and they made their way to a dance floor.

"Kid, you wanna dance?" It was Bones that asked this question.

"No, not right now." Bones opened his moth to protest, but a quick glare from Jim shut him up.

Two minutes later a waltz was over and Spock and Uhura made their way over. Spock pulled a chair out for Uhura to sit, but just as he was about to sit too, music started again. This time it was tango. Spock looked at Uhura.

"Don't look at me, I Don't know how to tango."

Spock nodded went to sit down when McCoy said something.

"Jim can tango."

Jim snapped her head towards McCoy.

"I'll kill you."

"Doctor, if Capitan does not want do dance, I certainly would not want to intrude."

"No, no, she wants to dance, trust me." Bones was quick to answer and push her out of the chair.

Jim looked at him with a glare, but before she accepted Spock's offer, she looked towards Uhura, but she just gave her a small reassuring smile.

Jim sighed, but took Spock's outstretched hand nonetheless. They made their way to the dance floor.

Spock brought his hands in a classical tango pose and Jim copied his movements.

Music was almost half way done when they stepped on the dance floor, but as soon as musicians saw the two of them they stopped playing. Everybody else stoped dancing too and they cleared the dance floor almost anxious to see what these two were up to. The music started again.

They started slow. Nothing too crazy or fancy, but as the time progressed so did their movements. They were starring at each others eyes the entire time and they seemed almost unable to look away.

As their final move, Jim threw her leg over Spock's hip and Spock grabbed that leg and brought Jim down so low, that her hair would have brushed the floor, had it been down.

When the music ended, Spock snapped her back up. Jim still had her leg thrown over his hip and he was still gripping that leg almost as if life depended on it. They were breathing hard and save for that last move, they never broke eye contact.

The room was deathly silent. But then a few seconds later, it erupted into an enormous applause.

That seemed to snap the two partners out of their trance and Spock finally let Jim's leg go. They made their way to the table.

The rest of the night was, well awkward. Jim and Spock tried so hard to avoid each other's eyes, but somehow when one looked at another, their eyes would already be watching.

That's how they spent the rest of the night. Trying to avoid each other. Key word: trying.

Admiral Archer also made an announcement that the Enterprise will be leaving for his first voyage in two days.

At around 1 a.m. Jim was ready to go home. She said goodbye to everyone and exited the hall.

Spock was waiting for her. How did he know she would be leaving, she didn't know but without saying anything, he just followed her to her door. Once there she turned towards him and said,

"Thank you, you know for the dance and for bringing me home."

He just nodded.

"Well, good night."

He just nodded again. She sighed and opened the door.

Just as she was about to enter, a hand grabbed her forearm and turned her back around.

But before she could ask what's wrong, she was pushed against the wall and Spock's lips were on her own.


	7. author's note

Ok, first let me say thank you to all of you that voted for this story, it means a lot to me.

Now, let me say that I will probably not update this story for another month because this last month of school is really important to me and I do not wish ruin my good grades. When this semester is done I will have for about a month to focus on my story and to come up with new ideas for it.

Also, some people commented on this story and I would like to say thank you because your every comment, good or bad, means a world. And I also saw that people noticed some of the mistakes in the text and I would like to say that I'm perfectly aware of them and that they a consequence of writing at 2 am. But, don't worry, I will edit this story.

Well, that's all for now folks.


	8. well, that escalated quickly

WARNING: SMUT

Jim was shocked. So shocked in fact that she forgot how to even kiss back. She just stood there, pressed up against the cold brick wall of the Starfleet Academy building. She was motionless. Limp. In fact, had Spock not been holding her around her waist, she would have fallen over, for sure. Million thoughts run through her head at that moment. The main one being how wrong this was. Here he was kissing her, whereas he already had a girlfriend.

Somewhere In between her rushed thoughts, she found herself kissing Spock back. It took some time, but there she was. Kissing her possible first officer. And boy, did he know how to kiss.

Spock pressed his palm right on Jim's back, effectively pulling her closer. She gasped when their chests and lower body parts connected and Spock took that opportunity to slide his tongue in Jim's warm welcoming mouth.

They stood there, in the shadows of the building, feverishly kissing each other. It would have gone like that for a couple minutes more, had there not been this thing called oxygen. Jim, already light headed, slowly put her hands on Spock's chest and gently pushed. Spock took the hint and they both broke the kiss simultaneously.

They stood there both gaping for air like fish on a dry land. Jim was clutching Spock's tux in her sweaty hands and Spock pressed his hand even harder on her back to pull her even closer. He was gonna kiss her again but she stopped him.

"Wait, Spock. Wait. This... This isn't right. You have a girlfriend. We... we really shouldn't be doing this." Jim managed in between gulps of air.

Spock, the bastard, seemed totally ok after their mini makeout session, whereas Jim looked as tho she just ran a fucking marathon.

"Lieutenant Uhura and I terminated out relationship earlier this day. That was the reason I was not present when you were presented with the title of a Capitan. I felt the sudden urge to meditate and to sort out these... feelings."

Jim stood there gaping like a motherfucking gold fish. They broke up. Today. He was single. Available.

Jim grinned like she had just won a lottery (well, in a certain way, she actually did) and tugged Spock's collar so she could kiss him again.

Spock took the hint and connected their lips together again.

He slipped his tongue directly in her mouth, apparently not in a mood to waste time. His hands made their way to the front of Jim's dress that had a huge slit running almost to her underwear and parted her dress so that he could place his wandering hands on the back of Jim's thighs.

He grasped the back of her thighs in his large hands and in one smooth movement he had her legs warped tightly around his waist.

Jim gasped when he lifted her up and she had no choice but to warp her long legs around his narrow waist. At the same time she warped her arms around his neck and her hands automatically found it's way to his silky locks. She tugged a bit on his bangs making him tilt his head a bit higher so she now had a better angle when kissing him. She almost laughed in his mouth when she felt his arousal poking her in the backside, but all that came out of her mouth were incoherent sounds that Spock managed to swallow with his kisses.

Meanwhile, his hands were mapping her thighs, the same way he would map his star charts on a starship. Her skin was so smooth and so soft, but at the same time she had some very defined muscles that gave it certain amount of strength and roughness. Her heel were digging into his butt and her hands were tugging on his hair, so he had no choice but to comply and tilt his head upwards so that he could kiss her better.

Through their light bond that was established by skin to skin contact, he could feel her amusement and a slight shock when she felt his arousal, hot and heavy underneath her backside. Her amusement spiked and Spock was shook with a wave of her own arousal, so strong that he could almost smell it. Even through her underwear and his own two layers of clothing he could feel the crotch of her panties dampening.

That seemed to snap the last bit of his self control and he pressed her, hard, against the semi smooth wall of the Starfleet Academy and thrusted his hips upwards to meet the unconscious thrust of her own hips.

When Spock threw her against the wall, Jim nearly lost her mind right there and then. But when he thrusted his hips upwards to meet her damp center, she could literally feel her brain short circuit. An electric shock traveled from her centre to her spinal cord where the spinal cord, for some unknown reason, processed it like a reflex, and sent a message to her hips, that acted on it's own accord. Before her brain could even process what she was doing, she found herself responding to the thrust of his hips with a thrust of her own and her vision blurred from an intense pleasure she felt at that moment.

She broke the kiss and threw her head back, hitting the wall in the process, almost as if to distract herself from so much pleasure.

When she broke the kiss to throw her head back, Spock took a moment to look at her. She was beautiful. Long blonde mane wild on her shoulders, her straight white teeth bitting that perfect lower lip. Her impossibly blue eyes closed form an intense pleasure she felt. Spock couldn't look away. It was as if she threw a spell on him. He couldn't move. All he saw was Jim. All he smelled was Jim.

While she was distracted, he sneaked his hands at the front of her dress and wasted no time in finding her underwear.

He slid his fingers over her white lacy panties, pleasantly surprised when he found them soaked with her juices. Without looking at what he was doing, he slid her underwear to the side and plunged his middle finger into her opening, stretching her and feeling her at the same time.

Jim's eyes flew open when she felt his finger enter her in one smooth movement. She wanted to say something, moan, scream, but she couldn't. All she could do as grasp his shoulder in a bruising grip as her inner muscles gripped his finger to keep him form moving.

She found Spock's piercing gaze on her. He was looking at her, mapping her face with his warm human eyes. Jim always found that specific trait on him very attractive. He was an alien. His pointy ears and green copper based blood was a staggering proof of it. But his eyes were so very human. While most Vulcans had dark brown or black irises, his eyes were a combination of the most delicious molten swiss chocolate and golden honey hues. Vulcan eyes were as hard as their personalities, but his eyes were probably more expressive than human ones. It always fascinated her. He fascinated her.

Spock locked his eyes with Jim's now darkened stormy sea one's. Without moving his eyes away from her face and those fascinating blue eyes, he started slowly moving his finger in and out of her, while his thumb found her clit and started drawing lazy circles. The reaction was immediate. Her eyes closed form the incredible pleasure and agony she felt at that moment. She was somewhat relieved and disappointed at the same time that he wasn't going anywhere further than this.

He took a moment to look at her. Really look at her. To look at her reaction. But he didn't found what he was looking for on her face. At that moment, a tsunami of emotions hit him from where he had his finger deep within her. He felt excitement, arousal but most of all, affection. Not quite love, but pretty close. His control snapped like a rubber band. He pushed his lips forcefully against hers, almost as if to devour her.

Jim didn't mind him being a bit rougher than necessary. Truth to be told, she was always a bit into masochism. When she felt his tongue seeking entrance, she laughed quietly against his mouth, but didn't grant him access. She wanted to torture him a bit, make him beg. But apparently, Spock wasn't in mood for teasing tonight, so he captured her full lower lip in between his teeth and bit a bit harder, almost drawing blood in the process. It worked tho. Jim gasped and he took that opportunity to stick his tongue in her mouth.

Jim's eyes rolled back. Their tongues fought for dominance. He won. Jim could have easily won this battle, but right now all she wanted to do is to feel him inside her.

As if reading her thoughts, Spock started moving his finger again, but this time he added another one and started massaging her clit at the same time. He could feel her muscles gripping her. She was close. He murmured against her lips.

"Come for me."

That was all it took. Her inner walls clamped hard on his fingers drawing him to a complete stop, while her whole body shook with the sheer force of her orgasm. Her legs warped even tighter around his waist and her hands pulled hard on his hair needing something to hold on to. She stopped kissing him for almost entire minute, her brain almost fried from an incredible orgasm.

They stood there panting, against the cold semi smooth wall of the academy. Spock was able to ignore his erection up until this moment, but right now he became all too aware of the straining muscle pressed up against his pants. He removed his fingers from Jim's wet entrance and brought them to his mouth to suck them clean.

Jim watched him with eyes that were half opened. She watched him from the moment she came down from her high. Watched him when he removed his fingers, all slick with her juices and brought them to his face to lick them clean. He seemed to like the taste of her, having let out the sexiest moan she ever heard. He was seemingly unaware of this so she chose not to point it out. She was snapped out of her trance when Spock brought his now clean hand to her door and typed in her access code. When her door opened, he took her in, her legs still tightly locked around his waist and his large hand still supporting her backside. He crossed the small hallway to her and her ex roommate's bedroom and gently lowered her on the bed.

Then he kissed her again. This time kiss was a bit more tender, but still it betrayed their urgency to rip each other's clothes off and fuck each other into oblivion. He slowly unzipped her dress and slid it down her shoulders so that she could pull her arms out of her sleeves. He started kissing a trail from the base of her throat, leaving small, but still very noticeable, hickeys. He was marking her. Making sure everybody knew that she was his. Jim found that unbelievable hot.

She started pulling at his tie, finally loosening the knot enough so she could pull it off of him. Despite the fact that he looked absolutely edible in his tux, it had to go. Everything. Next were the buttons on his white shirt, but there was this small problem. To took to much time to do one button at a time and she was getting impatient so she simply ripped the shirt in the middle, buttons flying in every direction.

Spock chuckled at the pouting face she made when she couldn't seem to unbutton his shirt fast enough and he almost laughed whole heartedly when she frowned and then proceeded to just rip the shirt in half. He opted for another chuckle tho. She looked up when she heard him and their eyes locked. The both stoped what they were doing and just stared at each other for a moment.

"I've never heard you laugh."

Her expression was priceless and Spock wanted nothing more but to laugh again just so that he could look at her surprised face for a while longer. Because as soon as she had gotten over her initial shock, she resumed to her previous task. Spock chose not to answer to that as he too turned to kissing her neck instead.

He pulled her dress down further, exposing her breasts in the process. He felt her hands unbuckling the belt and unbuttoning his pants, brushing her long thin fingers against his now painful member. He hissed and quickly snapped her hands over her head. Her eyes snapped open to stare at him, almost afraid that she had done something wrong. He put her mind at ease by moving up her body so that their crotches were aligned and started grinding them together. She once again threw her head back, this time hitting her soft pillow instead of cold brick wall. Spock took that opportunity to take his tie that was lying discarded on the bed, still grinding their lower bodies together making sure he brushed against her clit every time, effectively bringing her close to another orgasm.

She was so distracted with his hips doing things just right that she didn't notice him binding her hands together with his tie. She only noticed that when whispered in her ear.

"Do not move your hands."

She just nodded.

He brought his hand down again and found the edge of her panties, but instead of moving them to the side like the first time or even taking them off, he chose to rip the garment from her. She didn't complain. She could do that later. Right now she was close. She had no strength to complain. Spock slid two of his fingers inside her, coating them with her juices and then positioned them over her sensitive clit where he started moving circles. It took only two or three of those circles to make her a quivering mess beneath him.

He rode out her orgasm and then moved over to sit on his hunches so that he could take the dress off of her. She had to hold onto a headboard so that she wasn't pulled from the bed too. There she was, lying blissfully naked, still glowing from her last orgasm, and she was all his.

Spock stood from the bed and took off his pants and boxers finally freeing his erection. He grunted when the cold air hit him. He moved to cover her body with his but held himself above her with his elbows. He looked at her.

When he stood from the bed, Jim wanted to ask why, but swallowed her question when he started sliding his pants and boxers down. This was the first time she would see him naked and he didn't disappoint. He was built like a tennis player. Large wide shoulders, strong chest that had dark hair all over them, abdomen with pretty defined muscles and long muscular legs. And then she caught a sight of his erection. And boy he was big.

Now Jim had a lot of partners. Mostly one night stands and still none of them came close to Spock. For a moment there she wondered whether or not he was going to fit inside of her. She watched him stalk across the floor, lowering himself on her when he reached the bed. She spread her legs so he could fit comfortably in between. He hovered above her for a few moments before they locked eyes.

"Jim."

He murmured her name, question clear in his eyes. 'Are you sure?' Yes, yes she was sure. She wanted him. Everything else could wait. To answer his question, she brought her still tied hands behind his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

To say he was relieved would be an understatement. Hell, he wasn't even sure he would be able to leave her vicinity without having her first. Luckily, she seemed perfectly happy to let him stay the night. While still holding himself with his left elbow, he brought his hand behind his neck, finding hers and unfastening the knot letting her hands free. At the same moment, he aligned himself with her entrance and slowly pushed the tip in. She inhaled sharply and he stayed still to let her adjust. Then he drew back and started pushing in again, going deeper this time. He repeated the action until he was buried completely in her. He gave her a moment and started moving. He wasn't going slow. Neither of them could stand the slow love making right now. There was no other word for what he was doing to her now that fucking.

Jim clawed at his back and brought his mouth to hers so she could kiss him. He was good at this. So good in fact, that she could feel her third orgasm fast approaching. She warped her legs around his waist and pushed the heels in his ass to pull him even closer. He grunted in response and started going even faster. Jim could barely control the sounds leaving her mouth. If someone was inside the room next door, they would have no problem guessing what was happening in that moment. Hell, she was convinced they would be able to hear skin slapping against each other. Sweat formed between two bodies and Spock threw her leg over his shoulder, giving him new and better angle, hitting her g spot with every thrust. Jim screamed as her orgasm claimed her, drenching him and her mattress in her juices. His rhythm flattered and she felt him spill his seeds deep within her, followed by another animalistic sound from him that sounded dangerously like a snarl.

They lay, still connected, for god knows how long, waiting for their breathing to return to normal. When it finally did, Spock rolled over her and let his now soft member slip from her. He covered them with the sheets and pulled her close to his chest. Her hand drew lazy patterns on his exposed skin and took deep breaths still trying to return his breathing to it's normal rhythm.

"Well, that escalated quickly."

He couldn't help himself this time. He laughed. And she laughed with him. She didn't know just how much he agreed with her.


End file.
